Let's Talk About #SelfCareSunday

Sometimes I feel like one of the busiest people I know. 

I like to be busy. The constant hustle and bustle provides me with a feeling of purpose, followed by the feeling of accomplishment. 

I’ve found myself so busy, in fact, that I’m noticing I am having difficulty saving some time for myself. 

I recently left one of my jobs, leaving me with three: cowgirl bartender, brewhouse babe, and copywriter. As if that isn’t enough to keep me busy, I also try and manage modelling castings, photoshoots, and piano lessons into the mix. 

So now I have to teach myself about what being too busy means. Constantly on the move, I feel like I don’t have enough to show for my hard work. I’m missing out on seeing my friends, personal writing, and had even given up on reading because I thought it took up too much precious time. 

This is where the importance of #selfcaresunday comes in. Last week, I found myself holding a copy of Stephen King’s "Misery". Once I opened it, the storyline preoccupied my mind for the following three days until it was finally finished. I was so invested, yet I still found myself feeling guilty when I sat aside time to indulge…weren’t there more productive things I should be doing instead? 

Let’s pause for a moment. When I began writing this, I wanted it to highlight the importance of self-care and touch on uplifting ways I take care of myself in the in between moments. Instead, this came out:

“I’m frustrated. Frustrated that I can be doing so well and then find myself sitting here wishing I wasn’t alive. About how much easier everything would be. How do I end up here? In this place that feels like the truth - where I don’t want to live anymore. I want to shrink into myself and disappear. Let the blade cut deep and watch my blood run until there’s no more blood to bleed. 

It started with a wasp. A sharp fire in my skin leaving me distressed but also reminding me of physical pain. Pain I chose to stop inflicting on myself to better my mental health. But I don’t feel better. Not right now. If I look deep enough, I can find evidence of my life having worth, but what comes to the surface is the opposite of that. My baggage. The knowing that after it all, I’ll still be fucked up. But hey - we’re all fucked up right? Well maybe I don’t want to be anymore. Maybe I’m tired of being held hostage by my own mind. Let me go.”

In a lot of ways, that excerpt of writing IS my #selfcaresunday. Allowing myself to feel that vulnerable - a reminder of sorts that life is not always easy and that I don’t always need a reason to feel less than myself. 

So instead of uplifting tips and tricks I use to keep on my feet, this is just me wearing my mom’s sweater and crying while watching the rain. What a cliche! And during these moments, it doesn’t feel like it is working. It feels like I’ll be stuck in that mental fog forever. But realistically (reality being a very hard place to channel in these moments), I know I’ll feel better, maybe tomorrow, in the aftermath of letting it all out. 

What has this taught me? That self-care is more than just green tea and bubble baths. It’s also taking my medication and getting enough sleep. It’s also allowing myself to just let it all out. Self care isn’t selfish.

Some of my previous #selfcaresunday experiences:

I'm Now a Brand Ambassador for Wear Your Label!

*This post was originally written and posted by Wear Your Label 

Name: Kate Leanne Moore

Instagram: @kateleannemoore

City: Kitchener-Waterloo

Fav thing about your city: All the local shops and restaurants! 

Tell us a fun fact about yourself! I love Halloween and scary movies. 

Why is ending the stigma important to you? 

I first started seeing a therapist in high school. At the beginning, I would run to catch the bus after class in order to avoid telling my peers where I was headed. When I did finally open up to some friends, they surprised me by not only being completely accepting of it, but by sharing that some of them had gone through counselling as well. How could six friends all experience the same thing but be too afraid to tell one another? The only answer is stigma. 

There is no shame in experiencing mental illness, yet I still find myself hiding my depression from my employers - making sure I come across “healthy” enough to be a desirable employee. Depression has left me stuck in bed all day, the same way having the flu would, but I feel like I can only ever call in sick for the latter. 

These are only small examples of how stigma has affected my life. Whether the barrier that stigma puts up is large or small, talking about mental health shouldn’t have to be a negative factor for those around us. It should be understood, respected, and helped. It is unfathomably important. 

What does your every day look like? 

My every day is always different - but I like it that way. By staying on the move, I feel preoccupied, productive, and enriched. I’ve never been one for a set routine, just a set bedtime (I’m an early-to-bed). 

I just graduated from Conestoga College’s Public Relations program (yay, me!), which means my days are usually filled with job applications, the occasional interview, and work. I am a server at a local restaurant/music venue that I love. As unorganized as it can get, I love spending my summer on the patio and listening to our local talent sing their hearts out. When I’m not there, I am bartending at country nightclub. Another fun fact? I am not a huge country fan. However, I do love the fast pace - even if it means staying up past my bed time. 

All the in-between time is filled with driving to Toronto for different modelling jobs, writing (either at home or on-the-go), piano lessons, reading (I always have a book in my car/purse), and fitting in time with my family and friends. What I lack in routine, I make up for by surrounding myself with people who lift me up. 

What advice would you give to your younger self? 

Even though this is the third question, I answered it last. I always have trouble with this question because if I followed the advice that first comes to mind, my life would be incredibly different right now. 

My first instinctual answer always revolves around modelling. “Don’t be a model. You will develop an ED and hate yourself. It will take you years to get over.” But then I remember all the positives that came out of modelling too, and the fact that my ongoing recovery has shaped who I am and how I think today - and I don’t think I would trade that away. 

So my advice to my younger self is this: Fake it till you make it, baby. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, smile with your teeth, and never skip dessert. 

Who is a Role Model to you? 

One of my role models is my younger sister, Haley. Watching her grow up and live with learning disabilities has taught me almost as much as it has taught her. Seeing her take on every day challenges has shown me to look at my own life challenges from a different perspective, that there is aways an answer, even if it isn’t the usual or obvious one. Love you, Haley-Baley. 

How do you spend your Self-Care Sunday? 

My Self-Care Sunday is what I call my day off - which usually isn’t a Sunday. But whether it is my Self-Care Tuesday or Self-Care Saturday, it is usually spent tending to my introverted side. I like to start by taking my time getting ready for the day ahead. Sleeping in, showering, and usually putting on some sparkly eyeshadow or bright lipstick. I’ll respond to all the emails and messages I’ve put off, giving me something to cross of my mental to-do list, and run some solo errands. I love errands because I love driving - I consider it my personal karaoke time. Once I’ve done enough small tasks to feel productive, I’ll take off my pants (obviously) and settle in to watch a documentary, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, or a scary movie of course. I usually like to pair this with an ice cold Coca-Cola (a terrible habit I am “trying” to break) and some homemade guac and chips. 

Photos by Chelsey Boll

Look This Way: A Model's Tale

Several months ago, I wrote a little about my journey towards loving my body. I took part in a project put on by Mike Lewis that you can read more about here. 

I'm really proud to have been a part of this project, even though it was definitely a challenge. Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU to the team that day, and to everyone else who has taught me to love myself for me. 

Kate xoxo